Sunday, November 02, 2008

Permission

Last night was rich. A gathering of men (BraveHearts, all) hanging out around a firepit, smoking cigars (or, in my case, a pipe) and baring their hearts to one another. God's presence was sweet there, and the men's hearts so hungry I barely had to lead at all.

They each spoke of the struggle to step out and live in their true name, and make their core mission their primary aim. One guy said it best, "I keep asking myself--are you going to really step up and play the game, or just keep shuffling the cards?" Every man had a story like that...a "can I do this?/dare I do this?" story. Seems on one level or another, we're all still looking for Divine permission to be ourselves.

Including me. I told the men about my own realization in recent months that I hold myself back and hold myself in in so many ways and arenas in life. An introvert in an extrovert world, always feeling like I have to apologize for needing prodigious time alone. An artist in a culture dominated by spreadsheets and rational, Spock-like discussions of what "is" based on nothing but human logic and our five senses. Doesn't anyone else see the incredibly naive arrogance of that? There is, as Aslan says, a "deeper magic" than reason can reach.

Yet, I have most often pressed my artistic drive to the fringes of my life, squeezing it in between more reasonable, presentable tasks, like the crazy uncle you try to keep your friends from finding out about for fear they might think you strange as well.

This, however, I am committing to change. I am re-imagining a life of full permission to be exactly who God designed me to be--unfettered, unleashed. And like any good coach, I've given myself a structure to help me move forward. I got a watch that I can set to beep every 60 minutes, and every time it beeps, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I pause and ask myself, "What if you were free? What then?" What would I say? What would I do? Where would I go?

Cool idea, huh? If you like it, feel free to steal it for yourself. I did (the watch part, anyway), from here.

1 comment:

kari said...

ah, the deeper magic! how is the experiment going? are you finding the romance in life?